All of us live on hopes, dreams, plans, and eke out a structure to achieve all that. We fall, we crumble, we fail, and still we move on. Behind every failure and loss there is always a hope, a realization that, yes we can come back and hit the sixes and win the situation. Sometimes in everyone’s life, we experience the pain and loss which is beyond the repair and we just live with the handicap. Yes we can be detached, spiritual and continue the journey but the essence gets lost and we just live the life because it has to be led and because we have priorities and because we need to fulfil our roles and responsibilities. That zing, that un harming arrogance, the inner pep is lost.
This happens when one loses the dearest ones in life and someone fails to achieve the real big dream and just settle down for the available. The people who suffered loss also know that life moves on and that they have to get along. The world understands that and no one can hardly ever do anything and reduce the pain. The bearer of the loss knows it better. The helplessness of the other dear ones is also very appalling and suffers loss in trying to convince that, it is the passing phase and that life has a way to heal. But can any loss be substituted? We live on and we get sailed in the drama. But how does one explain what exactly happens in the person who is experiencing the loss in different ways and manners.
Most of the time, it seems unbelievable and we question why me? Why does it happen this way? The question can never be answered to the inner self. There are scriptures, there are spiritual laws and there is a vast knowledge on everything but does it come good when it is required most. What does one do to practise? Learn detachment in the manner suitable and have the consciousness of the higher state and meaning of life. But yet, that emptiness and deep pain will not vanish and even if it does, it has to be continuously nurtured and fed with the spiritual knowledge and practise. But that essence of basic deep comfort is lost and that vacuum is never filled. It happens with the loss of a parent, loss of spouse, the best companion, kith or kin. One turns philosophical by default. I always remember jagjit singh and chitra singh and now chitra and countless number of people. My own sister, my mom, my bhabhi live thru this day in and day out and they live for others and stop living for them. There is a responsibility to be completed, a role to be fulfilled and the essence is always lost in their eyes.
Pain has 2 dimensions.. One is the direct suffering and other comes from the helplessness emanating from the suffering of the dear ones. You can never be convinced trying to tell them that they can’t miss the dear ones and that life should go on. If you see thousands of mothers near Nilofer or any hospital , moms are praying that , they should have got the illness and not the children or the dear ones. Is this suffering any better or worse than the pain of the person who is actually sick or ill? How can we weigh who is feeling more miserable? Is the person in the jail suffering more or the wife who is waiting with huge un certainty suffering more? Is the child preparing for exams by burning midnight oil feeling more torturous or the parents who want this phase to get over feeling painful? On the easier side did the Indian team feel more depressed or the public feel terrible when javed miandad did the impossible by hitting a six of the last ball in sharjah? How does one measure pain? Is the pain of the woman who is separated from the husband more vulnerable or the suffering of her children? Do we have the nerve to break the stereotypes and gauge and react? All of us need to invest emotional and spiritual wealth to make situations of our dear ones better.
One needs to perhaps constantly reduce the expectation from life and keep learning to be detached (detachment from the pain and from the self and not from the reality) . This cannot be taught and can only be learnt. This will be the real maturity and wisdom of the self and the society. If my niece remembers my dead brother and cries on occasions, is she unjustified? If she thinks that why she should experience this and that she can’t handle the absence of dad on occasions, is that unreasonable? There is a bankruptcy of inner strength and real learning everywhere.. Insensitivity and surrender to the falsities of just about everything are the causes.
Grusha, my daughter was not allowed to write her SAT exam as she did not carry the Original passport to the center at Bangalore. All pleas that the passport will be got before the exam is finished was giving a deaf hearing and they just went by the rule and this rule was insignificantly printed somewhere on the website. Yes, she knows, she can write this again, yes she knows they were like meaningless in their approach and denied her to take the exam. Yes she knows, she can probably do better next time and yes she knows the money loss is still ok. And yes she knows that all the preparation versus many sacrifices and again to balance various exams and schedule will be a herculean task.
But her question that knowing is not enough to mitigate the suffering of the loss of the opportunity was justified, i felt for the day.. She will feel sad and get over it. But that moment and those many hours and days will be painful and will make her sad. Here it is an exam and an experience. What about something that can’t be got again? Like the loss my brother and the melancholy of my mom, sister in law and her kids or my sister... No pain is less and no misery is comparable. Every loss and pain has to be understood and accepted and more importantly dealt properly. All of us have to live in empathy and detachment. Everything has to be valued and everything has to be forgotten. Life is now and just now...
Even if this is not spicy, good to read and a rigmarole , i still dedicate this to Grusha and Sindhu as they made me to think a lot and experience so much about life today .. Indeed our experience should always be made useful to all and hence we need to learn from all situations and not get sucked to it. Most things in life are beyond our control and understanding. Move on positively and with all empathy and detachment. This is the reality check and consoling is not enough as everyone has a natural knowledge of life and its nuances .
Lets make a difference to all the suffering souls.
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