Humility, simplicity, unconditionality and minimalistic living.. That's My mom..

Mothers do not have age as all they have is abundant Unconditional love and Sacrifices  which are incalculable and unrecognizable.  What moms do  to the children and how they hold the families together,  is something which can never be fathomed and  never made an estimate of. If there is one love and care which is never an exaggeration and hence can never be measured, is moms place. Its extremely sad and unfortunate that, they too have to die and go away with the cruel plan and design of so called " GOD". He or She ( god ) biggest blunder and mistake is to create mothers as they only know one thing and that is give love despite million sufferings. This God gets jealous that Mom's might surpass them in all that is good, marvel and in the act of giving .  Hence the cruel act of death and separation. But little the god knows perhaps that, moms don't die as they continue to connect soulfully. There are so many messages and learnings that gave and left. Now its my turn to follow them and live with them. 

One pain that remains for ever and ever is Mothers absence  and  one that is 100% irreplaceable is moms presence. It gives not just warmth and comfort but the the energy  required for  handling all issues with grace and dignity. The very soul, which is the energy of life gets fractured and hurt when someone loses their mom. I am even wondering at this minute as to why am i even attempting a futile exercise of writing about mom as all i might end up doing is mentioning few cliché's and most popularly knows facts about mom.  So let me write about my mom who qualifies and defines more than what can be ever be written about motherhood. Let it sound as an exaggeration as the truth is more than the perception that can be expressed. Perceptions build theories and understandings , but what is more incisive and correct is the truth and hence that can never be an exaggeration. 

Unfortunately after failing to know the accurate results from the medical tests and hence not knowing the diagnosis perfectly , We had to take mom  to the hospital and admit her in the ICU as she showed signs of breathlessness on 8th early hours. Supposedly there was some water accumulation in the lungs and they tested for Covid in the CT Scanner and my heart and body became like a solidified ice in the -50 degrees situation. Thank Jealous God, she was tested negative. So it meant i will have access to her and can take care of her and feel less helpless. But when  they were poking her  for tests and supports , the heart was wrenching and no child how ever old he may be like me,  can ever see that bit of suffering . Amma is supposed to alleviate sufferings and not suffer herself. I felt i am inhuman of the highest order for resorting mom to such sufferings.   

The entry of her into ICU without me was the highest pain i had suffered in my life till then. It felt like an infant child being taken away from the mom.  My Mom was a child for me and unfortunately i couldn't be a mom to her. I hated myself and cursed myself those moments and it seemed like someone was taking away my life itself . I told them no ventilator come what may can be suggested.  They called me after good 2 hours and said my mom was refusing to eat anything and she asked for me to feed her and wanted me. That was like an Oscar award as i will not  know what it means to receive an oscar as i will never ever want it when my mom herself isn't there to pat on my back. I fed her in the ICU but her question was " Did u eat" ? why don't u go home and eat . In the highest pain and uncertainty her heart reaches out to children. Is there a better definition of unconditional love. If ever there is a question by anyone as to how can someone think of another persons problems when they themselves are in agony, here is the answer, that moms do it and at least my mom always did . 

 She would bother quite a bit  about my work and also on Ratings every Thursday and would always advise me to be detached and keep giving the best. She didn't study any mass media or any of the modern media journalism but without talking jargon she would touch on all nuances of TV functioning and ask me all relevant questions which would make me feel ashamed but  she used to give me strength and motivation to work smarter and harder. She would bother about every aspect of me very intensely. Basically she could not see the suffering of her child and never even showed also as she knew to offer solutions. 

She converses  with me , on  everything under the sun and is so openminded and has clarity on all matters of life  to the core. She is rebellious, she is progressive, she never says no to anything. She does not have any desires. She hides pains and problems perfectly so that we do not suffer. This was the unfair part about her. The blood flow was down and she was anemic . She lived last 2 years only with will and spirit and she exhausted that last few days.  A very big fan of cricket since 1983 and would know all players, teams, formats and strategies. She was an extremely avid follower and her company most of the times was Preetam my dearest nephew. 

She did not resist any of the marriages of her children, be it language, caste, sect differences etc. She never criticized anyone not did she have any bitterness. She was a father to my sisters kids and bought them up last 23 years along with Lata my Sister. The positive traits, the impeccable qualities are hundreds of them. A perfect soul and Brahma sisters would themselves say that she has a radiance and calmness of an angel.  

Her Persuasion of not wanting to be in the ICU on 8th Jan 2021  made me and hospital crew  to move her to the paid room and she was actually convalescing well and we as a family were nurturing hopes of a discharge. Mom was the biggest sweet heart and one of the aspects was her popular voice notes in the family. Despite being so unwell she gave happy birthday wishes to my Doctor Sister in Law, Sarada,  much to our surprise and joy. She even sat on the sofa as we ensured her oxygen levels don't fall by monitoring on an oxy meter . Entire family visited and saw her in next 2 days and spoke to her and all that.  It gave us a hope. But she was writhing in the pain and was very restless at around 1030 pm on the night of 10th Jan in room no 203 of LB Nagar Global Hospital. 

She went breathless when the oxygen was removed for about 90 seconds  around 11 pm , to give medicine and hot water,  I will never forgive myself  that night as i didn't have the clue about her state  and she just fell in my arms and pulse was not traceable . I shouted and screamed as the medical staff came and shifted her to the ICU back.  she was revived but failed to recognize me but after 30 mins she did recognize. I died in that 30 mins with all the negative feelings including highest guilt ever.. Those 2 to 3 mins then  and before that the oxygen supply was critical I guess.  I am not sure if i knew that i had to be careful about this and may be i should have monitored better.  I will never forgive myself for that as mom never ever made a single error when it comes to me and when ever,  it ever needed to take of me she did 100% accurate job , but i goofed it up . Mom is a mom and blokes like me  are never a match.

The next 12 days from 11th Evening when it seemed inevitable but put mom on a ventilator, to till she breathed last at 1.04 am on 24th which is an Ekadashi , lots of medical trials, experiments, consents from our end, anxieties, hope, prayers, reiki, etc etc happened from all of us in the family. She succumbed to the falling of parameters and she was declared dead long before we could take a decision of weaning off Ventilator etc.  She decided to not to put the family in the dilemma of deciding and she just made a decision on her own for a journey ahead.  She was so decisive in her thoughts and never fumbled or regretted on any decision. Mom was an example for living in all the ways that suits any situation but each time it was about simple living, humility and that healing divine smile. 

A mom is a mom is a mom and all mothers have qualities that makes the off springs life difficult after they pass away as there is no substitute to moms love.  Hence just like there is no age to mom, her children also can never get old to feel matured or strong and not miss her presence..

Mothers are connection to the world and her passing away seems like the connection is cut to this life and world as everything seems so meaningless. 

Amma was heavily into voice texting and patronizing You tube as her world was that last 3 years.  She is very progressive and apart from being tech Savvy she used to encourage all women to be independent, strong and successful. Many of the lady colleagues, women friends, acquaintances etc connected so well with her that she independently would have relationships with them sharing about her life and also advising them or just loving them unconditionally. She was bonding deeply with quite a few at the soul level.   If only she had the exposure like women have today and if only she could afford to study when she was young, she would have been much bigger change agent. But for thousands of people who ever met her they experienced her unconditional love.  She is the purest soul that I have ever known.  Bye Amma  in the material world but i know u know we always connect at the soul level.     Miss you amma tremendously and in every single breath .  

She had a definite and unique connect with each of the 9 grand children and she could never take any of her offspring's suffer for any reason. She was objective to the core and balanced all situations with great elan. She believed in God but was not subscribing to any rituals or practices. She believed in work is workship and also wished her children were ambitious but modest, successful but humble, and she lead a life enough for smaller blokes like me to emulate and learn for ever and ever. Hope i achieve 25% of what she was.  Love u Amma and Miss u like hell.  

Review of .. AA AAA Amma manasuku daaredi. Sequel of AD

 Disclaimer.    Never watch or never ignore movies basing on the reviews.  All reviews are authors own opinions and based on the moods , expectations and hence objectivity  of review is questionable   But does not stop author from honestly expressing what was  experienced 

The movie has brilliances of Trivikram which will make u laugh and stirs the poet and intellect in you , the audience .  That apart the movie falls flat on the story front which is the strong hold of the director.  We have had  enough of nadiya and Samantha of the same kind including characterisation and expressions like in AD and Satya murthy .  Copy cut paste them from other movies and there is no change and difference  Naresh is good but his character does not have the clarity. 


 Music is disappointing and so is the screenplay.  Everything is slow paced and predictable.  Nitin is not PK or mahesh to carry movie on his shoulders.  He is better off in Ishq and gundejaari kind of movies 


Most of the scenes , locations and mood is of the poor Counsin of AD movie.  I would have understood if someone else made this movie inspired by Trivikram. But what do you call when the same director makes a little bad version of the same movie which was a hit 

But post 2 big flops of big stars , this movie may seem like a relief of sorts.  May be of you guys are free and cannot wait to see on TV, one time is advised 

Personally I expect Trivikram to scale up both on thoughts and making.  This is my problem 

" Dosa Istam kada Ani Singapore or  Europe ki velli nappudu kooda Dosa tinalante tappu ledu  alage Trivikram Istam unte yelaunna choodandi maree 

Surely if the length is trimmed by 15 minutes it can still hold attention . its longgggggg..

AZZU BHAI .. WE LOVE YOU

                    
                                          AZZHU BHAI.. WE LOVE YOU ..

My personal conviction is that, movies ought not to be watched basing on the reviews. One can follow and read  reviews, but why discard or watch  movies depending  only on the reviews. Everyone wants to see few movies for different reasons . They have to be watched for those reasons only. For instance, fans watch for their hero's and technicians watch for the values and common men watch for the sheer entertainment and escapism from the real world to unwind. So why go with reviews and decide to watch or not see?

I was keen to watch the movie AZHAR with my mom and brothers as we all had great liking for him because he was my brother Ratan's  class mate and Ratan would talk about the simplicity of Azharuddin  and how only his talent would   speak as he was a shy guy .  Azharuddin represents the guy of the times in Hyderabad where the brotherhood of communities was still high and greatly respected . Hence all of us in India then and Hyderabad particularly had this notion that he cannot make mistakes of any kind including on cricketing grounds.  We had this image of a cleanest guy who can and should  play good cricket only . This I think was very unfair, as if he cannot change .

Now look at the times when azharuddin made the debut in 1984.. The overall value systems was so very different. Those were the days when, if  some controversy erupted,  the first reaction was that of  disbelief and people would get shocked .. This value would make people be more  involved into it to falsify and try and  hence  understand with prejudice  and get into the depth of the truth . In the current situation, Even before the news breaks out vaguely, people jump into conclusion and make it viral .. There is no time to breath for the person affected . All this is thanks to FB, twitter, whatsapp .  Azharuddin was the victim of the shock and disbelief of those times when society was too moralistic  .  Essentially those 2 values made people get hurt very easily  and write him off .  Today even rapists walk scot free and its so frustratingly sad. Then why pick on Azhar ? Did that serve any purpose ? 10 years later , scandal again broke out and this the big guns were spared for the reasons best known

 How can a traditional muslim guy , who is god fearing and who took country by storm just by sheer excellence make such a blunder? how can he take country for a ransom ?  These were the most unreasonable questions that would throw as an argument .  Honestly I was one of them, getting hurt about a guy whom we loved and idolized . We let off everyone else in other fields who did worse to the country . We picked on azhar as he was by nature innocent and he cannot be flamboyant . The most ridiculous argument was , how can this guy wear expensive watches and lead rich life style.  This intolerance made people judge him and judge him wrong . He was not given a chance to talk, to prove and he is a victim of times . The result is , that he was denied opportunity to play for the country after that and that's very sad .

Now coming to the movie, most people felt the reality should have been shown ..  What is the reality ? did they expect Azhar to be shown as a tyrant or Desh Drohi ? and make him take all the blame for the most corrupt cricket body ?  How does one approach this movie ?  I think, the basic approach though not very spicy for the breaking news fed audiences , is actually very good.. Movie opens with a cricketer accused and banned .  The case is in the court ..  From there its told beautifully without engaging in the masala tale or going fictional about his personal life before cricket as there isn't any at any story about him worth,  all expect his passion for cricket . The movie is journey from accused to acquittal . The lonely war that he waged to earn back the consolatory reputation .

Azharuddin is shown not only as a passionate cricketer but as a compassionate human .  They show how his love and relationship develops helplessly  with the film actress , as he empathizes with  her pain . what I loved most about the movie is the respect with which both his women in life were depicted. This I am sure azhar would have had exactly for his women in real life too .  I felt Imran Hashmi was not that apt but the only other option would have been Nawaz Siddiqui .  Casting of other cricketers were bad and nargis is disappointing as sangeeta .

I liked the balance in the movie , in the way cricketers were handled though there must always have been a temptation to actually show so called truth about most of them .  Manoj Prabhakar ( looked like )  was shown in the negative shades and so is Ravi shastry  ( possibly ) in different mode . It was very special to watch  the movie with my mom and sister .  We had tears in the eyes at the end as azhar did confess in the movie about one mistake ( though he had a justification which was only cinematic )  and subsequently refused bookies for the love of country and  led india to victory . He could have been mum and his loyalty to the game and country made him reject bookies and few  heart burnt exposed him.  Azharuddin did make a mistake but did not commit blunder. Who knows who else did what and he was targeted .. Don't we know the current situations and recent past incidents ?

I always wonder if Harsha Bhogle has seen this movie and if he has seen why didn't do the review ?  diplomacy thy name of success and hence his biography on azhar is also vanilla kinds ?  let it be .. Dear Azhar ,like me and  my family ,there are millions who love you and we see you were a human too .. Great attempt to make a difficult movie . Watch and then get eligibility to discard or criticize movie and azhar .  until then please ..........

Lata and Shreya enough for 15 decades at least

Comparisons anywhere is best avoided as everything, everybody is always unique and hence everyone and everything has some distinctiveness. This is indisputable and I respect that. But we are all greedy even in the non material areas, like appreciating or enjoying an art form. There is also a subtle power game and ego associated with this appreciation.  For instance, we say my favourite song or my kind of song which itself brings attachment and so pain.  To this extent the joy is not pure. As part of this scheme is the funda called comparisons..

Preferences bring comparisons, and we may not accept the fact that, virtually most people compare everything with everything else. This place traffic is better than that place. The people are more warm here than there. Indians are more this and south Indians are more that.  These are done to increase the pleasure of the self, ascertain the self belief/ preference or put down the other to assert the power of appreciating one while putting down the other..

Grusha , sindhu and Pritam in the family always keep asking me/ provoking me as to which movie, which song, which hero , which heroine is better or whose cooking, whose batting whose bowling , whose beauty is better.  Sometimes I get irritated as I do not want to answer or I do not want to dilute the raw, intense pleasure of what I like. I like to say, on a matured day , that nothing is comparable or can be compared as things change with time, mood and place also.

 Coming to the point , There is no doubt about the reverence I have for Shreya ghosal .  She is born only to sing, to connect millions of people to the wonder of nature through her singing. I had and have similar feelings and liking for Lata mangeshkar .  It’s a different story that, I listen more to Shreya than Lata Ji of late, as how can I not listen to Baaji Rao Mastani at least twice a day. Shreya would hate me if I ever compare or even vaguely say that she is on par with Lata Ji or few times beat Lata Ji also . Just listen to Shreya singing Lata’s songs and in the heart of hearts you will agree with me. Shreya is the only singer who can render Lata’s songs the best .  But never had the audacity to compare but always felt only these 2 are extremely special children of god or god themselves.

In the last decade and more, no one has inspired any music directors as much as shreya , as she is the delight of any music director and also delight  of lyricists as told to me by Ananth Sriram. Even the ordinary sounding songs draws attention when she sings and it seems like a great work .she made mark in all her songs and she has cut across genre blocks and restrictions.. There was always a temptation to call her the best ever. But I always held that conclusion back as there are hundreds of Lata songs which inspired me and took me so high that it’s incredible. Same experiences happened with Shreya songs. I can listen to Tuj mein Rab , Mastani song, Sun raha hai, bahusha,  Silsila yeh chahat ka, once everyday like a prayer .

Today I heard Gulshan Bawra Songs and was enjoying immensely. 2 songs of lata ji  just bowled me over completely again . For me to be able to be arrested in the moment is the highest ecstasy and experience.  The songs were Vada karle saajana from haath ki safai and Bane kyon bigade from Zanjeer .. May be exaggeration but it can only be Lata who could have sung that way those times.  I concluded that yes, indeed its LATA Ji first and Shreya next .  That’s it.  Puritans, rebels, critics may not like what is said and may hate me.  But my experience is mine and it took a long while to conclude this way. But salute to both the ladies who gave bliss for 15 decades between them. 

 I have nothing to say to people who say OMG how can he even compare ?

I do love and admire Kavitha Krishna Murthy, Sadhana Sargam, Alka yagnik, madhusree, swarnalatha, chitra, Mahalaxmi iyer, Vanijayram, Susheela, janaki and many more but those 2 are world apart….  

Thank god and thank 2 great souls who make my living meaningful as I thank god for giving me the art of listening to music and finding meaning and ecstasy of life

Lauren.....not just the dancing sensation. watch her in Cinemaa awards

I have seen and raved  on dances performed by Vyjayanthi Mala, Sridevi , Madhuri Dixit , Kareena , Prabhudeva , and many others dancing on the small and big screen.  No one can be and should be compared. Each of them have their own style, grace and hence they are distinct, & popular.  They have entertained for years  and took us to the trance and highest pleasure many a times .  Each of them have raised the bar of Indian standards in dancing and cinema.

But but but ... Lauren of ABCD 2 fame is something which I can't describe .. She seems not from this world.   May be like they say some paree or someone with  the mixed talent of 3 celestial dancers Ramba Urvasi and Menaka .  She is a solid combination of gods special gift plus huge amount of hard work , dedication, worship, what not ..  It's almost like she breathes dance and eats dance and knows nothing else.  She combines acrobatics , gymnasium, classical dance and all forms of dance into a natural blend to give her touch and style which is soul touching.

The grace, style , movements , speed, expressions, aesthetics , postures, pauses, slow movements and what not.   We were all spell bound and we're just arrested with her performance.  She had that ability to smile and give the best lip sync and make the expressions most authentic.  Lauren is music directors delight and lyricist wonder also .

DON'T BE THE VICTIM OF EXPECTATIONS.. JUST ENJOY......WRITE UP FROM AN ORDINARY INDIAN MOVIE BUFF

Tomorrow is the big day for the Indian cinema and biggest day ever for the Telugu cinema .. Come what may, hats off to the entire team of BAHUBALI , starting from Rajamouli to Gutsy, cool producers to MMk Sir to everyone associated with this penance called Bahubali. 


All bigger landmarks, Milestones happen only because of divine design and divine intervention. The people who are most deserving will be chosen by the almighty to make big events happen in life. Rajamouli thought big, aspired greatest, and literally breathed every aspect of this movie. So this marvel has to come to him.  Prasad and Shobu stepping in to make this passion take a shape again will have many real stories on how it all happened.  May be they will share all that in days to come which will be learning to all of us on movies and life per se.


More than anything the entire team will rejoice the entire process of making this movie so wonderful. To start with the movie has already got 6 out of 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 .  Whether it crosses, 7, 8, 9 or absolute ten is to be seen. For me the thought, the efforts, the completion and seeing what one set to make is most crucial and  the crew has achieved despite humongous struggle is  most creditable.


Forget about the hype and expectations, people have already accepted this as the greatest movie ever before the release. In my 4 decades of movie watching experience, this is the 3rd closest which has happened like this. the first one was SHOLAY in 1976, and all theaters had police platoons placed across country and there was no mass media except radio and no social media network to get this hype . The second one was SHAHENSHAH in 1987 which also witnessed people planning to buy tickets for more than a month.  But BAHUBALI has surpassed both of these by miles and miles and the festivity is more than most cricket matches and elections.

Every theatre in the 2 states has witnessed serpentine queues and many organizations have blocked more than 100 tickets to watch together. Every street corner and almost every other call people have been talking only about the movie and its release.  Never before i had this experience . Millions of calls and messages talking on this movie last 10 days , resulted in business for cell phones operators as never before it seems , like new year hungama.

The makers have done their job and fulfilled their basic dream. Success and volume of success has many parameters and yardstick.  Money recovery may be over and collections will surpass all time high and probably will occupy a place which cannot be beaten for a decade for sure. But ultimate happiness, perhaps, is when people acknowledge universally the best ever. 

But what can we say about peoples expectations?  are they expecting a miracle ? something that they have never seen before ? How can the expectations of such nature be there ? i feel its unfair . these days thanks to technology , people in rural areas also have access to most greatest Hollywood flicks and in local languages . So is it fair to compare this work to those ? 

Movies are not made based on the expectations and hype. They are the dream of a film maker. How big and successful it becomes, have hazaar factors and reasons.  So just watch like any other movie , not with expectations but with excitement . Do not be in a hurry to tweet minute to minute and upload on Facebook or whats app. Enjoying the movie experience is an ideal endeavor. 

Bahubali release to me looks close to India Pakistan world cup cricket finals ..   The expectations are unfair, too far and unwarranted .  With that comes rumors.   keep aside all the rumors, expectations and have a festival of viewing the greatest cinematic experience of life time . Rajamouli never failed in the narration and he will not fail also. technology, subject, making will be additional treats to the movie.

Finally its almost close to life death for many working in the film, and not at all for the audience who in the worst case might get disappointed basing on their expectations..  Just chill and don't talk loose about the movie before watching ,  is the request from an average, ordinary , Indian movie buff... Like i said movie has already scored 6 out of 10... how big , will be known in less than 24 hours.  All comparison to I, shankar, 9th movie is too silly and ridiculous and meaningless to say the least.

Have a blast all of you.. thanks Rajamouli, prasad, Shobu and team for this great work..  all the best .

Hot star, humility and Bhajagovindam .. all in a day

Jab Main Chota ladka tha, when i was in 4th class...we went to Gandipet for family excursion which gave me the pleasure more than what i may get if i go to Switzerland kinds today. One of the vivid memories of that picnic was having a transistor with me and i was too kicked to listen to ball to ball commentary of England India  cricket series where Lever ripped India with his Vaseline tampered ball . If cricket is religion today, Test Cricket was oxygen for many like me those days . Time traveled, so much happened , tragedies, success , technological innovations, change in life style, relationships ,  meanings, definitions changed. Again it took cricket for me to appreciate and go gaga about technology.  

Life moved from Transis STAR( transistor) to hot STAR.  World cup cricket and IPL matches was best covered by this app and the mobile experience of watching cricket was just fantastic and mind blowing. Reliving of the nice raw experience of my childhood with the updated technology made me feel joyous.  


 The highest quality in spirituality is humility. There is a new interpretation of mine on humility.. People crave for recognition , acknowledgement , prove hard to get attention and boast of what they have done,  they will be ostentatious etc as there is an absence of inner fulfillment.  Since there is a lacunae inside, one tends to look outside the self for gratification , thus reflecting the immodesty.  This ideally should sound off that, one needs to strive hard to satisfy the inner self . Once this is accomplished , then we don't need to look outside. Any recognition then if it comes, will be taken in a detached manner and away from the focus on the self. The success is attributed to selfless attitude. This brings natural humility . if there is insufficiency on the need fulfillment one cannot be humble. In other words , humility precedes excellence . 

Hence the real successful and the accomplished tend to be humble and modest. and not the one who define success and achievement is narrow terms ..


Another thing , that stuck me today is that i stumbled upon BHAJA GOVINDHAM in search on GAANA app.  I was cooking and so heard this from distance. I knew this was not  M.S. Late Subba Lakshmi voice . I thought of getting to her work to listen but overcame the resistance and continued to listen .  It was damn good. I felt like me most majority are also stuck to the familiar and so get biased. No doubt M.S Subba lakshmi is the best . I discovered what i heard was Chitra's .. So much for bias and preferences . ha ha 


These are the few thoughts i was involved in today and dare to write here after grusha liked these thoughts..