the silent revolutionary

The year was 1973 to 1975 approximately in warangal,  i felt the nearness of an elderly child around me and i experienced the warmth and comfort always from then on. Not very consciously but for sure i know that, i was inspired by him and he was my reference point for everything, visibly and intangibly.  I would get amused many times  at his imitations and observations around.  I can never forget that very popular thing “ Gyani zick “..   He would imitate a guy in the street school who would always split making that zick sound and his name was gyani. His imitation would be a relief and amusing .

From such vivid memory to the temple visits, to the reading , i used to look up to him. Around the same time ,  I remember that he was most worried when i got terribly sick once and expressed his profound love for me very explicitly.

1975 to 1978 , was in Hyderabad ... I mostly played with the girls in the family and he would always come and tease my sisters and quite irritatingly so. I would find it amused , angry and avoidable. Now it seems, he was full of energy and life. His way of expressing the love for the siblings was unique.  I would go with him for walks and also to play cricket with other brothers also. How can i forget that i was a reserve player doing the long wicket keeper standing behind the main wicket keeper. I would still be very excited and thrilled in that huge play ground amisdt all big children.  But it was he who made me comfortable and nurtured me.

During these years, he introduced me to libraries along with my dad and we read many comics including amar chitra kathas.  I was looking at him to complete reading so that we could go home but he would read for long and long.

He would take me to his friends place and there was one intelligent and very haughty Friend narendra and humble guy called raghunandan. Somehow he always came across as a very balanced and very openminded guy and a much better person than any one at that point of time. He would get close to all kinds of people and that was an eye opener for me .

Then we shifted to malaket in the year 1978 and then to kutbiguda and all along i felt he was there as a guidance and was around me. Everyday would be a secured day with some subtle learning. Then came the house construction at santoshnagar and both of us would go everyday taking with us boondi and ladoo and spend time till night . I enjoyed this every bit. Yes, we did watch many movies together.

My introdution to writing, creativity , and the  very  aspect of thinking differently was only because of him. I was in 10^th class and he just entered degree. I felt very sad that he couldn’t get into the engineering course as he worked extremely hard for this.  In degree first year, he was writing an article titled “ Mysterious death” and i got fascinated by his vocabulary and especially when he used the word “ Frustrated “.  It was so new then. I was very kicked when he let me think a name for his hero and it was PRITAM.   That entire experience of that article is very fresh and reverberates even today.

Joining degree college in Saifabad made him happier and he met an excellent friend “ uttam “.  This was a time when He, Uttam, his grand ma and My cousin prema used to get together and we had lots of experiences. Walking, eating custard, listening to music especially abba, talking etc were some of them.  We had lots of fun. He would never insecure about anyone or anything.  During this period again he got so sensitized about my mom and poor people. His empathy was so total and helplessness was so amazing. I would get bored sometimes but he would never stop feeling and talking.

He would play cricket but he was not as much passionate as we were. In fact he would consider it as a waste of time and he would study instead. During the exams he would make combined study with his friends and we would do the same with my friends. We would all go for the tea in the night and that was most enjoyable. One day, as we were walking towards the tea cafe he just disappeared. On frantic search, we discovered that he fell into a 7 feet ditch and laughed with us like a child when we lifted him up. I always wondered how he could fall off like that.

He was extremely conscious about the family income and hence joined as a receptionist in the Hotel emerald. In fact he was competing with Uttam on this. I remember he was getting 350 as salary and was also getting tips. My dad was dead against this job but silently he continues to do that with opposing dad. Today i realize and it is confirmed that, he had this same attitude in life, of doing what he likes despite opposition but would involve in arguments or confrontation.

One day there was a curfew and he didn’t come home for 3 days. My dad made a fuss. There were no telephones and we walked to a friend place, Mr verma, half a Km away. We made the call and i felt so relieved that he was safe and happy.. After that i think he left the job and joined sarabhai chemicals.  I didn’t like him go away from me and family and somewhere he came across as a tough guy. He must have hardly worked for few months, he got a job in the corporation bank in Nellore.

This changed his life and from here his life took a path to create and make history ...

I used to him a lot and there was no way we could be in touch. One day, i just took some money and told my mom that i just want to go away to nellore to my brother and they agreed. I just landed there and went straight to bank at 5 am in the morning. I couldnt reach him and so stayed in a dinzy hotel for few hours. The place was big enough to stretch my legs and the fan made lots of noise.

Later at 8 am, i was happy to reach him. I stayed for 5 days and one of the most memorable stays in my life.  We watched movies, enjoyed food at komala vilas and went to tirupathi.  Had a very very wonderful time and i cried to come back. He too shed tears.  I could remember late that the communism was christened in him  in nellore. One Person he was particularly impressed was Mr Arun Bhaskar.

From there life went on and we were facing 2 major crisis and marriages in family. Dad’s bad health took heavy toll on us and later lata’s marriage depressed all of us. During dad’s transfer issue, he dealt very well with the collector and got dad transfered to Hyderabad back.

Then he got married and i was happy for him.  I got depressed when he lost hero honda once  but he got it back.  All I rememeber is that I couldn’t see him suffer or feel bad about anything. He seldom expressed about feeling bad for himself. He was an altruist by all means

Then i too got married and he got busy and i did. But there was always mutual respect and concern. He tried hard to get me into communism and i failed him even as i believe in the ideology. May be I am not that honest as a human like him . In that sense he was way above the basic , normal needs and wants..

As he went on and on, he became more and more calm, more reflective and I could always sense that, he was not particularly participating in any of the social gatherings.  There was never disrespect of any kind but one can in retrospect understand that his priorities were far ahead and different from the rest .  A silent revolutionary   was born and is alive and will be alive for ever and ever .

Virtually everyone would criticize the party, ideology, the situations amidst the political scenario and expect him to fall in line for money, recognition and fame.  He would always smile on those occasions and just not give too much importance to negative things.  He was so clear about what he is believing and what he is following and doing.  Such clarity in silence can only be the feature of great visionaries. Other wise we are all in hurry to prove, to achieve something instantly.

The party life, poor people, change in society was his goal, his way of life and hence the core activity for him. The stress buster was never there and only sharada , sindhu, ujwal gave him the change and relief apart from the news channels.

How can I forget , his passion for music. He would often sing and also sing in his office on occasions and also won few prizes.  But this never came as a relief during his active party life as he didn’t believe in anything else. Yes, he did get on to walking habit in the morning for more than a year  now.

On few occsions, he looked up to me subtly to take care of few family matters. He trusted me deeply and honestly .  I always felt I am accountable to him and I can t go wrong.   I failed to get him party funds when ever he sensitively asked for them. He was so conscious about my time and work.  How could he think for and on so much.  Indeed he was a an seeking welfare of everyone.

I would get very worked up when ever i knew about his ill health or worry. He never directly told me about any such thing.  But i always wanted to be with him in any crisis.  I least resisted when he was sure about ditching the job for party and indeed he was contented, relaxed and happy about the decision. Only my bhabhi could have supported for his cause.

What a couple they are/ were..........  I haven’t seen such friendship in a married couple  and such a wonderful  companionship is a rare occurence in this world . Perfect understanding and adjustment without any crib, ... his child like vulnerabilit and dependency on my Bhabhi is the best part to describe what he is ... His innocence would not have allowed to him to take any pressure outside the human welfare and party affairs.

The minute it was told that he had a brain stroke, was shocking and the 5 days in hospital’ was as horrible as anyone can ecperience when their dear is in coma and we are helplessly waiting in optimism. Finding justifications, answers, hopes and bonding with one another for hope.

Religiion, prayers, astrology all proved wrong , may be because he didnt believe in them and may be because they are all not right . hence he didnt give any importance .

He cant die so early and in fact he has not died. He lived a big life and not long. We all discovered what big life he lead after he died.

If he wanted, he could have lead a so called normal life of an engineer or an IAS officer for all his brilliance but he choose to utilize all his talents and skills for the party which he believed was for the poor and for the real social change. May be he was true but such people who make so many changes without any recognition die a death of a martyr which society doesn’t value much . But how does it matter anyways ...

“ he prefered to die this way “  “ he did all he wanted “........ “ everyone has to die “    And many many many theories, practical answers, understanding , rationality,  and adjustments............ may be these are in evitable but the silent revolutiionary , my brother is gone and one essence of me is also gone...

Jai ho comrade shekar ........my inspiration, my leader , my brother , my mentor and you cant be replaced anywhere...

We all pray that sharada, mom, ujwal, sindhu should have courage and all of emulate you and do what ever for the society and people at large.