BETWEEN HELPLESSNESS AND BEYOND HELPFUL

                                 Between helplessness and beyond helpful

Reading the news paper, watching news channels have long ceased to be a source of information, pleasure or anything to do with positive aspect in life from last few years to me and is true of many others in this world i guess. But the knowledge seems like a necessary evil. At least the habit of a cursory glance at the news paper seems inevitable as old habits die hard. The beginning of the week wasn’t that good with 3 news items which attracted, bothered and had an impact on me.

1)     A woman set her husband ablaze and he died on the way to hospital. This reminded me of some debate competition about 2 decades ago, where i had mentioned a news item which said the contrast.. Man sets woman ablaze. For a second, i thought of the change in the situation. But that was just for a second. What made me disturbed were the situation and the plight of the woman who had to resort to this. Violence in any form, method or for any reason is not only condemnable but has to be detested, changed and never ever encouraged. But for the woman to send the children away and do this act.. What must have gone through her mind and the life before? Men can be extremely violent and torturous. Her husband must have been more violent hundreds of time and would have created the most helpless situation and what life that woman and children must have undergone. For her it is not the death or violence that she was seeking, but she must have longed for freedom from that suffering. Being poor and financially dependent she probably did not know how else to free herself and children from such consternation. There is no way anyone can support, encourage or sympathize with such dastardly act but can we look into her from her perspective. What will the cat do if it’s locked in a room and attacked? This murder has probably worsened her children’s condition much further as i am not sure how will she ever get over this act? Thinking all of these involuntarily makes life so sick and we are so helpless... Am i being sensitive to my environment? Am i reaching out to people and giving them hope? Is my silence and indifference perpetuating more violence? Are we all not indirectly responsible for all the mishaps which happen around..  

2)     A boy, again a poor watchman’s son gets dragged in a lift between lift and the wall and gets crushed because he was trying to put his hand in the lift. Some freak accident. But who is responsible? How can such a thing ever happen? Can it be just boy’s mistake? if yes... how many times our own children make several mistakes and are we adults watchful? What will happen to the parents? How would that boy have felt for those few minutes of the crush? Some hurry, some arrogance, some indifference somewhere of all adults? It’s very depressing to say the least. I feel i am also indirectly responsible for this tragedy and also all the adults who don’t look at the surrounding with an empathy. There is the need for the overall and general correction of the conscience of people. We are just getting sailed along to something which is probably meaningless in the large scheme of things in life.

3)     The third item is the herculean effort of the sparrow to somehow extract a drop of water from the tap on the street. Its struggle, is as silent and as helpless, as lonely battle of all others, who face situations that lead them to frustration and isolation. We can at least put some bowls of water for this voice less birds.

News papers and channels give all the news which takes us between helplessness and beyond being helpful. I am not referring or even criticizing those who thrive on watching and reading these. One more time when there is a need to reflect on the self and question as to how much are we contributing to the rut of the society and how much helpless we keep getting into.

Ahhh. Its very painful and extremely helpless.

INSPIRING EXIT.... DRAVID THE SOLID WALL

Do you know how do you feel when a watchman in the apartment or an office boy in the office or anyone reporting to you doesn’t acknowledge you by either greet, or any gesture? Naturally, neglected, hurt or some negative feeling surfaces inside you.. Unknown expectation is built up as most of us have this need to feel wanted and recognized as someone bigger, better and powerful, whatever the dimensions be. Small time artists, popular faces who are used to giving autographs or being surrounded by people, feel very in secured if the number of eyes balls on them is reduced on a particular day.

Most good women go into depression if they are not complimented enough on a day to day basis after being used to some amount of praise dosage. Film stars, and all celebrities from all walks of life get paranoid if they don’t get due attention. Often, either they are denied or they are getting in abundance to the extent of being nuisance. But the absence of it is surely felt. All attention, all acknowledgement, all recognition is nothing but power equation. Every person needs to be fed with some power and the quota varies. We can give names to the complex needs of such nature but they exist and they are as necessary as food, oxygen and money.

The power of success is not only addictive but had made people desperate. Quite a many have resorted to violence or tragedy when they were either robbed of this or when this came to an end. It happens more with women whose fame, success; recognition also has to do with handling the beauty which withers with age. Celebrity status is the most difficult curse in one sense as eternally it is a struggle to maintain and uphold the same and yet stay balanced and calm. Time, trend and change cause so much turmoil to all these people. That is why, many people do everything to latch on and compromise to any extent the values, the core qualities and the basic elements of living. The ones who come above are the real heroes and are the ones to look up to and learn and admire.

Rahul dravid, definitely not my kind of cricketer in terms of presence and influence on and off field, but he  has tremendously inspired me on his retirement. He could have hung around for easily another 2 years. Everything was still left in him,  the stamina, technique and temperament. The announcement has reflected his approach and understanding of core essence of life. There is clear absence of greed and tremendous amount of detachment. His gratitude and gesture of thanking everyone in public on his successful cricketing life, has only increased my respect for him. He has clearly brought out the SANSKARAS that he believed all his life and is so austere. He was never ostentatious; he could hardly be provoked and got into controversy. He was a silent team person and had terrific inner strength. His every quality on and off field has to be highlighted, talked about and learned by all sports persons in our country. He had so many ideal qualities that, it all got together and helped him take this decision and made him a real life hero. His learning all his life was not just attributed to cricket. The decision and the way he took it amply proves that he is an absolutely balanced guy with tremendous inner strength and is totally grounded as  human and he has not let any of his success get into his head. He is an epitome of a perfect gentleman who thinks far beyond the normal achievements and recognitions and has mastered the art of practising the basic human necessity of conquering the self and weaknesses.

I salute him for achieving as a human being what one needs to, by using a vehicle called cricketing success. The same can ruin a person and make him a poor individual. There are thousands of such people who are celebrities and who never evolve as good humans after achieving success in their field. But Rahul is one such rare, extraordinary human who has set a new standard by this great decision. Hopefully, the other senior cricketers should take a cue from him and not thwart the opportunities of several youngsters for their personal milestones. 

The end of the saga signifies the respectability that he lent to the indian cricket, the best vibes he got into the dressing rooms and that silent killing presence amidst the giants like sachin, sehwag, ganguly, etc is something that i feel like imbibing in my real world. He is a true and an ideal indian in the way he conducted himself and has increased the respectability of everyone. The ends usually makes more loud the understanding of the character of the person , as more often than not we take the silent, modest performers for granted. 

No one cricketer has won such rare writings and feed back on his retirement than dravid.  He is indeed a monk, a spiritual leader who did his karma in the most ideal manner

INSULATED ... WE ARE

                                                BLESSED INSULATION

We don’t realize how protected we are in several ways. All of us are insulated from several problems of which we probably are not even aware of and instead crib about what we don’t have. I realized this very intensely yesterday and am practising, cherishing what i have. It’s a practical experience and not a theory, to be able to feel blessed and thank god.

Yesterday for some reason i had to go an area in the evening with someone where there is no chance to park the car. I requested the gentleman to come home and pick me up in his car as he has the driver and i turned down his request of dropping me back home and i decided to take an auto and come back. This was around 8 pm and i had to travel only 4 kms. I realized that i had not taken an auto or rode a two wheeler for more than one year and half. Trust me; i could not bear the noise on the roads, not to speak about the smoke and dust. I felt i will die if i travel for 10 minutes more. It is more than asphyxiation and claustrophobia. I am born and brought up in Hyderabad and all my life i was either travelling in bus, 2 wheeler or auto which was a luxury more often than not. I never felt this bad and hopeless. Have the pollution levels gone so pathetic or my tolerance level gone so low. It could be both. Is this the Hyderabad i am born and lived all my life?

·        How are people driving on two wheelers and going in autos. How can they still be calm, peaceful when they reach home or office? What is happening to their health? Are they aware of the problems that can hit them? I was feeling so depressed thinking of auto drivers and their lives. Gali janardhan reddy’s and Raja’s , prisoners of the world should be asked to drive autos in Hyderabad. Jail life is so safe and risk free. My god, my entire life experiences turn around. I thanked god immensely after i came home. I am one of the very few fortunate in the world to be able to have the car and not travel too much. It is indeed a blessing. I empathize with all the people in the US who do not want to come back to Hyderabad and settle down. All the parents forgive those children and if you really love them and mean well for them, do not expect them to come back here.

·        Today on the weekend, i decided not to step out of home and i felt so fortunate and blessed. I started imagining all the problems that i don’t have. Thank god i am not a traffic police man; thank god i am not a push cart vendor on the roads. Thank god i am not a beggar on the cross roads, thank god i am not a sales man for the consumer goods and thank god i am not any of those people who are forced to travel in Hyderabad for long hours in the traffic.

·        I know how worse it is going to be in summer. Unless needed, people should confine themselves at home and enjoy the technology. Public transport needs to be encouraged i feel. It seemed to me that if i become the chief minister of AP for a day, i will do all that, which discourages people from driving in Hyderabad. Yes it is possible. I will do my best. will u??

LEADER AND SPIRITUALITY

                                    LEADER AND SPIRITUALITY

My Daughter Grusha’s school had an investiture ceremony on 17^th feb and like a typical proud parents we went, had fun and felt good about her and the school in general. It was a ceremony which necessarily calls for a good speech by an elder and someone who has experienced enough of life and its processes. This gentleman, the CEO of the school and ex military personnel spoke inspiringly on leadership and on who is a leader; at least it seemed for me like that but not sure, if the children ever assimilate good speeches in the environment where they would like to have fun and chill out. But certain traditions cannot be avoided and justifiably so. But it set me thinking for next few days as to who is a leader in the current circumstances. There are thousands of quotations and countless number of theories and books written on leadership and who is a leader? Every quotation and theory has limitations, is questionable and probably very situational. If Mahatma Gandhi was a leader, he was recognized for his vision and his strive to take that to a reality. Its only when he was recognized as a public figure that, his inner voice was heard and recognized. Today we talk of so many traits and inner personality of Gandhi which made him what he is. His belief and practise of Satyagraha, non violence and simplicity are among the few ideologies of the great soul that stands out and is relevant for all times and situations.

Let us take today’s situation where at one stroke, life seems very complex and chaotic. Seriously most of us do not know where are we travelling and why are we doing what we are doing. One simple reality that dominates our belief, conviction and basic living is the evil called MONEY and nothing else. May be this is the starting point of the worse to come but this evil has already changed us completely and seeped into our conscience . Today every compromise that we do, every compulsion that we will live with, can only be attributed to money. For sure , social movements will not happen, for sure people will not be honest in work situations, for sure we will all be talking about integrity and not mean it; only because we need basic money for mobile, for transport, for malls, basic status and all that is required to keep that up. Insecurity is what makes everyone stoop down to everything like never before. Truthfulness ceased to mean anything because survival is difficult with that value intact. The need to prove, the need to excel is so demanding that most of us do not think and pause on the need to uphold values. Do we have such values at all, is to be questioned and if yes what are we doing to keep this up. In this context, i am trying to define for myself what leadership is? We need to be leaders not for anything or anyone but for ourselves. Leadership is Survival instinct now, the need of the hour and extending Darwin, its survival of the leader or survival of the fittest leader.

In every situation what each of us experience is the following. Either the combination of one of them or all of them put together.

1)     Our belief or confidence is either not understood, challenged or we are not even heard and instead put down. ........ This can happen to children with parents, students in learning places, employees in office or just about anyone..  The question that should come to mind is.. Why is this so? Is this the problem of the other person or do i need to look inside and accept the situation? Here it has to be both. The other person might operate by sheer domination, authority or the from the advantage of better position or personality disorder broadly.  We might also be suffering from the same. This is an ongoing battle. How do we come successful in such a situation? Be a leader to win the self and situation. The operating tool is that, there is nothing standard. Either we give in and have patience and prove with our consistency or oppose and prove that we are right. Both of these need huge amount of perseverance and self control.

2)     Sometimes, nothing seems to go right anyway, no logic, no rhythm and we get bogged down. Even here it is the self control that works. Talking to the self and being a leader of our own.

3)     We believe in something and the situation offers something. The clash of the value system, our learning or our some need gratification for the situation can be few areas of the problem. Here again we need to win on our self rather than confronting the situation. People have ceased to be open in most cases and even if they are open, it’s very minimal and apparent and not inherent. Even, when the integrity as a value has many definitions, how can we not a leader of the self.

In the modern world, the situations are plenty and are very different to the context. But in all situations, we need to be leaders of the self and only then we can be happy. We cannot try to change the situation and be happy. This is a paradigm shift in the leadership issue. One has to be a leader in all situation and for only for the self.

The next most important question would be ...... how can one be a leader? The current need is to be spiritual. Like the word leader, the word spiritual also has many connotations and meanings embedded and so how does one understand the same? 

Here it goes from our concrete god google.... That which is spiritual is sacred and the concept of sacred is interchangeable with the concept of "holy"-a word derived from an Old English word meaning, "whole" and perfect in goodness. A religious person may be spiritual, but a spiritual person is not necessarily religious.

Spirituality refers to the evolutionary process as it drives us forward, eventually, to perfect wholeness. It relates to the expansion or evolution of consciousness. And, thus all activity-be it physical, emotional, intuitional and so forth-that leads towards greater perfection, goodness and wholeness is therefore spiritual. The scientist working, for example, on a cancer cure is involved in spiritual work, as is the diplomat attempting to bring harmony between warring parties or the artist seeking to create a beautiful masterpiece for enhancing the quality of life.

Spiritual values are qualified by ever-widening horizons, synthesis, growth and wholeness as well as greater vision, understanding and integration.

If one becomes spiritual, or if one is spiritual, then he is a leader in all situations. My definition of spiritual is to be focussing on the spirit which is you, the soul, and the human. We need to constantly talk to ourselves and focus on the self and understand the self. All of us have too much that we can shed off and just discover that inner self which is so pure, peaceful and happy. We keep adding dust and layers of unhappiness and expectations and complexities of human behaviour. A leader is one who constantly removes these layers of dust from our soul. Then the external situation or a person can never disturb us or bother us. Nothing will stop from being truthful. The money also will become less important and we will be able to all situations with equal élan. We will never be in a hurry to prove anything to anyone or get disturbed as we are in touch in our core and that is the self. We are leaders of the self and so of the situations.

Being spiritual is not going to temples, is not reading spiritual books and is not going to gurus . All of these are important only to seek knowledge or get the vibes. We need to constantly work on the self with the aid of all of these and achieve results. The result is being a leader in all situations. If in a office meeting something is not acceptable or if someone is dominating because he has the power, not getting perturbed, not losing the balance is being spiritual and being a leader. If you are not able to be balanced, then all that is learnt is simply wasted and you are not a leader.

Likewise, if you are involved in an argument, you can’t be spiritual and you are not a leader. Your sheer vibes should radiate in all situations and calm down the place and there should be an opportunity to discuss in a healthy manner. If someone is not able to help any situation for peace, amicability or solution, then he is not a leader as he is not spiritual enough to handle the situations. These are not the blame factors but to be treated as opportunities to be a leader. 

How does one become spiritual? Spend time more with the self and let the company of you with the self give the comfort and happiness. Feeling lonely is the first sign of not being spiritual. How does one love the self? By spending more time and call it meditation, prayer, music and reading or just about anything ... just reflect and be a leader. Going by our google god, being spiritual is evolutionary and being leader also is the same according to me. Hence to be leader is to be spiritual and to be spiritual is to focus on the self. The need of the hour is not to run and chase but spend time with the self, love the self and use any tool for working on these. But do not get arrested in the tool called books, worships and gurus and instead apply and reflect on the learning in every situation and be a leader.