USA, SELF AND REALITY CHECK

This blog is not so much about the USA perse but what being here has made me think and understand about myself. Probably this is the first time ever that i have detached myself in the true sense, though not completely but to the larger extent from all issues that i got entangled in several long years which includes work, profession, personal life and just about everything. I have had a chance to see myself  from outside me. This outside is not far away from what well wishers, friends have seen about me and been advising, criticizing and all that. It is a blessing to have a friend like SVS allowing space here in USA for all that self exploration. I cannot claim that i am  being  totally objective,  but at least i am not rushing into things and concluding anything. The biggest learning for me is that, there cannot be comparisons of any 2 things , even if they seem comparable, familiar, similar etc.. Second , everything and everybody needs to be understood only from the context and situation. Hence, good bad, judgements, right wrong, and all that,  and things we are always in hurry to do / conclude are really irrelevant in larger understanding of life. I am not talking elementary here as these aspects were known, understood and seemingly practiced  but not applied by me in true spirits.

Giving space to the self, opening up to the nature and being receptive to the world are 3 things that can expand the inner self and enrich all the experiences. Or else everything  that is got will remain like achieved feelings with out the true experience of happiness and joy. This visit is a forced favor of the nature on me and thrust ed opportunity to reform and be experience simple happiness from within. Actually i am playing the role of an Ethnographer ( an objective researcher who does the combination of qualitative and quantitative research by being an outsider but getting into the group) and doing sensitive research of the self with the USA environment assisting me.  Being away from the physical space, especially with the advantage of different time zones, takes one away from the work, contacts, regular issues and transfers to a well deserved time for the self. Meditation ought to do this role of focusing on the self and deriving happiness from the self. The question that you the reader of this blog might get ... What is self here? it is the place which is enabling the self to act? partly true but several times i have had change of space, but still the self was not active. This is why i must credit to SVS my friend.

I have had notions about people here, people there, on poverty, on population, on life style, on values , on beliefs, on just about everything. But we do not have the  right to comment or conclude unless we spend a great time and sincerity to understand processes of life and in context. Hopefully , being in USA for 3 weeks, though under a protected umbrellas called Sai dinakar and SVS, i am able to understand the world view differently. I wish to take back the learning's and apply myself to all the issues that keeps bothering me.  Basically its the space for the self and the environment which lends meaning to space has been important for me. Transformation or the willingness to change does not absolve of all the pains and difficulties of life but the approach to issues will probably change.  Here my learning in  fundamentals of understanding the self  with Sujatha Potay also adds greater meaning. But most important in applying the benefits, derived  from  here for longer time would require drawing huge hidden strength from with in . The tool i need to use to draw this is just stay focused and keep practicing what i believe , the RAJA YOGA meditation of Brahmakumaris.

There is a temptation to just pour out the deepest thoughts and feelings  here  but i need to be concious of all the friends and well wishers  time and attention span, who read my blog and encourage me. BUt its the need felt to make know the fact that, god blessed tours like this will take away the layers, the hardened thick resistances, defenses, cliches, and assumptions about life, people, processes and places.  I am tempted to quote the song from PAUL MCCARTNEY
" Ebony and ivory       ...We All Know That People Are The Same Where Ever We Go
There Is Good And Bad In Ev'ryone,
We Learn To Live, We Learn To Give
Each Other What We Need To Survive Together Alive."

Ebony And Ivory Live Together In Perfect Harmony
Side By Side On My Piano Keyboard, Oh Lord Why Don't We?
Hopefully , USA trip gets me to my roots and helps me start life all over again with a new lease , with freshness and fervor.  I will live twice in this world ... Yes  meaningfully so , to the self and all others .

MY FIRST IMPRESSION OF USA

Millions of books are written and millions of people have visited the country and each of them has had millions of things to say at different points of time but every experience is new and every visit is unique.... I was not particularly fascinated by the USA from very long and to be honest was not particular to come here or do anything here.  Mine was a typical middle class mental block and it was one of the several ones I had . My friend SVS has been inviting me to visit him for more than a decade now .. I was not driven mentally emotionally or even at the desire level to ever visit this country .  Hence I even avoided to visit this place last 2 decades..


But our children will change everything for us ... Grusha my sweetheart changed my world view . I resisted her idea of wanting to come here ( usa) and pleaded her to study law, media, management in best of college in India but her focus, her determination , more importantly her clarity made me  fall in line with her need and ambition .    I started understanding and knowing the country better , merely be being receptive about everything in the USA.. I am happy to admit that quality of living ( not just the known comforts and communications ) and in particular the predictable and consistent systemic respect for co humans  are more authentic and comforting .  That was a key determinant change factor of perception for me. And I have no shame in admitting  all my bias was owing to lack of wanting to know . Thanks to grusha and changes in India in last in the last couple of years , I am now more open to know world outside ..

USA  as everyone knows is a tough place for the brand new comers unless of course you have a great and  caring friends like sai dinakar and Keerthi who made me feel at home and have given the best that any hosts can do. Being in Boston was more like being at a known place . Travelled on car everywhere under their guidance and advise and life was damn simple and exciting . Shopping malls was tiring but inevitable as we were virtually setting up a home for grusha. The terrific patience and care of Sai Dinakar in all matters especially shopping was not only useful but very touching . Driving down twice to Hampshire was a great boon . There is this feel and look of Europe in Boston, and may be more englandish is what I told grusha when the flight was landing and indeed there are reasons to feel so.  I loved the European influence in Boston. How can I ever describe what I felt entering , smelling and believing that I visited Harvard and MIT. It's almost like a fairy tale . But than, except just express the liking for the place , I do not have the authority and competence to talk about the life and greatness of USA.


There is this dissatisfaction and unacceptability of why there is no transport like in India ? Why is there no enough people to talk . . But aren't these questions not silly ? USA is USA and we can't expect this to be like India. But which ever place , what ever is the comfort , without few people who are our inner circle, all that will cease to have a meaning . This is Indian middle class mind set and nothing wrong though misfit in situations like here.

I am bowled over by the systems, impersonality and  how one can depend on technology here.  If you are tech savvy, and can appreciate systems, best place to live here as nothing can wrong with you . Everything is updated and dependable . People are polite but do not expect warmth . I am wondering , what right, authority or eligibility I have to say anything about the place , where I am just a week old and too in the totally protected hosts and driven around safely and beautifully including twice to Hampshire and once to Quincy market . Hampshire is like all our hill stations in India and can never go wrong on seasons.

But but after grusha is dropped to her campus and I come back, USA INDIA and all places in the world seem the same.. It's all empty, lifeless and endless.  It's the people that make the places wonderful.

my good fantastic perception about Usa .. May be each region , place has its own distinctiveness and differences .  I have hardly explored any of those . But 2 things have made feel confident about this place and in this place .  One is that , you can depend on the technology and systems .  Be it navigating thru GPS, parking lots, updated information on the net about every single thing and almost error free public systems . I did not experience the power of people on roads like policemen, or any other person... They also seem not to exist .. But power in terms of money is crucial and that determines the good living versus difficult living ... Nothing else.


I am still not qualified to write anything about this country as I am here only since a week and that too going around with the secured caring people . Just to have a sample of experience, I just took a stroll on the streets ..  God, there was only me walking around and it felt so awkward.  In fact at one point I even got scared.  I saw thecop and didn't dare to look at him.  I felt what do I answer if he asks me ... Where am I heading and why am I walking ?  In India I got scared to walk as I cannot cross the road, I get suffocated at dust, smoke, sound and unruly traffic and here I got scared at the chaotic loneliness and total contrast to India .

After that scare I just headed towards a mall and felt more settled . Sai called me just then and assured that cops don't question even I was awkwardly walking all alone as long as I am walking by the side. Then I started thinking inwards and asked myself if I can be all by myself here without depending on someone . I felt it is indeed possible if  we have money to afford a car and few friends who u can talk to and meet often ..  Suddenly some emptiness dawned on me and felt what is happening ?

It was just the off Shoot of the pain of leaving grusha behind yesterday ...  It was good as long as she was with me and now everything seems unimportant and unexciting . May be for me , it's not places but people are important and with people around, I may love places like USA which are better place to live than India ... But without inner circle people , any place is empty and with our people, village, ganji, stroll , black and white tv , bajjis are enough . Hence I am glad I got exposed to some part of USA

But my country is not giving me that support , that Honesty, that innocence, that simplicity...... It is not the place that I grew up with and not the place that this generation wants to see.    So I don't mind grusha to USA, but not the ideal situation as probably I am that simple who would miss her with single breath , every single good, bad experience and want her physical presence to see and talk to her, to hug her . Nothing is ideal in this world and changes are the reality . Grusha has the maturity, balance and clarity to adapt to new situations and hence she will rock. I will try to make the best of my holiday by spending time with my best buddy SVS at dallas. i reached this place yesterday , 27th Tuesday at 3 pm. First impressions, not beautiful, not extravagant like boston but here spending time with svs is crucial.


Once again i realized that, which ever place it is, what ever we do, the following are important..  Know ourselves from deep inside and conquer all that causes emptyness in us, accept all changes and keep sailing by keeping larger value systems in tact . Give the new generation all the needs to expereince the world , be contemporary and most importanly spread the radiance of happiness.  All it takes is wanting to be happy and not look for something to be happy.  But having said all this, I am notsure how will i miss grusha after i get back to india . Hopefully my learnings here and use of technology better, skype, viber, whatssapp and traditional calling should help.... to be contd  .

TELANGANA.. SCHUMACHER, ALVIN TOFFLER, COMMON MAN AND A THOUGHT

One of my well wisher and friend Mr Rajesh asked me to write a blog on Separation of AP...I was wondering what I can write as I did not have definite view / opinion or agreement/disagreement on the issue. I was not sure and am still uncertain of the implications that this decision will lead to. Like its happening in all aspects of life, its difficult to arrive at the absolute truth as to what is right and for whom? Why was this decision taken? Its easy perhaps to conclude but i believe in world drama and the author GOD cannot be questioned or proved wrong. How many decisions in our own life are 100% own and how many actually happened because they had to? 

2 days after the congress announced this decision, i was going in an Auto rickshaw early in the morning to attend to one of my daily practises. The journey of 4 kms was so pathetic that, i felt i actually travelled on a mountain which does not have the road. The road was orthopaedic doctor’s delight and was literal hell. Apart from my suffering, i was feeling very sad for the auto guy as he has to put up with this 12 hours a day and all his life.. How sad his life must be? Hence these decisions like telangana or united AP, will not alter their life as life goes on for the majority the same way as they were as they will continue to be poor, vulnerable and exploited. This is the scenario across india as we are witnessing acute penury of leadership and not anything else. 

Then i came back and chatted up with my watchman who is from some place in Godavari district. He was very vehement and said his life does not change as the apartment guys aren’t any way going to stop exploiting him and they will continue to pay him less. My home helper echoed the same feelings. But there is hope for many and despair for many. As of now, both hope and despair are at the perception level only.  I felt, probably the most affected people would be businessmen, government employees of all cadres immediately and about the rest, time will tell. Many of the repercussion could still be environmental and normal social changes influenced. No one can say for sure about what could happen based on this decision. It will all be hypothetical and imaginary as of now.

But i just thought about my child hood and Hyderabad and AP. The first time i ever heard about telangana movement was in mid seventies when my father said that, there was commotion and protest in one theatre of Hyderabad when a song from telugu film referred to bhagyanagaram ( Hyderabad) as the place of 3 crores Andhra people. I quite found it amusing when i was 8 year old as to why people had issues about just a song.

 Later on, may be before 80’s i remember quite a few people grumbling and complaining that, the so called original people from Hyderabad are not able to buy property locally but people from Andhra are doing it all around. Even then, i could not connect to that thinking, as for me it was people who could afford and who had opportunities versus people who did not have and nothing to do with the region. I come from a family who settled in Hyderabad for more than 6 generations and over 200 years and the essence of Hyderabad is communal harmony, love, acceptance of all cultures and laid back attitude. 

We had all communities and all languages influences in sultan bazaar, koti, esamia bazaar, kutbiguda, kachiguda area( THE CBD) and for us Chikkadpalli, Nallakunta and secunderabad was very far and crossing of chaderghat was unheard. Life in these areas of original twin cities, was uncomplicated and unassuming. We were not ambitious not wanted to have wealth. It was all about living happy and eating well. Only cricket and sometimes hockey got us the Indian feeling.  And of course, elders at home and teachers in school were always driving the patriotic fervor to keep us feel good about our country. August 15^th and 26^th January hence were great days of excitement and emotion.

Honestly until we saw tamas the television series on DD, not much was known to common general persons like me about the pain and impact of partition of India . We Hyderabadis were oblivious to most pains that the country faced. Only in 1979, we witnessed curfew and disturbance erupted owing to some freak incidents. Hyderabad welcomed all people, all cultures and all regions and accepted as one.. We still live in the same glory.

May be during early 80’s telugu movies started have telangana lingo for comedy acts and comedians and we also saw traces of such stereotypes in some places like college theatre and all that.. There were protests and objections, but never had a bigger and dominant voice to make a mark.. Life went on, until some political moves, complications, societal changes got the movement more seriousness and what it went thru is known and history now.

At the personal level, i was influenced by the book SMALL IS BEAUTIFUL” and Third Wave.. At the global level we witnessed too many changes and economic revolutions; globalization had the side effect called disintegration of joint family. People resisted and financial compulsions made everyone accept the nuclear families, with huge struggle at the individual and societal level. So i felt why not small states. My studies in MA sociology also allowed me the space to think of encouraging smaller states for better focus, attention and governance and not political reasons. But that view is nothing pertaining to any one state or region. That opinion is very theoretical in nature.

In conclusion i have this opinion.. Honestly we are all spectators and we have been only spectators on many issues in this country, in the absence of secured leadership at all levels. Bankruptcy, penury of leadership is the biggest concern and hence anyone, anywhere and for anything we can all be taken for a ride. Hence its our duty not to brood, or be pretentious or shed crocodile tears on issues where we cannot do much. WHAT WE CAN SURELY DO IS ACCEPT THE GODS DRAMA AND BE MORE TOLERANT, SHED ALL HATRED AND PAROCHIALISM OF ALL KINDS AND TREAT HUMANS AS HUMANS AND NOT ON DIVISIONS.. we didn’t have a choice as how we are born, where we are born and why we are born. But we do have choice to make our living and peoples living more peaceful, meaningful and happy. So does it matter if we are divided by boundaries, language , culture, needs? We are one and we will be one.. The spirit is important and i am not votary of any division nor am i critical if something has happened. I feel we can all be peaceful however we are or else we only waste time brooding and in negativity. At the individual level stop propagating hatred and confusion and world will be a better place to live.

GOD MADE.. INDEED

                     GOD MADE ....INDEED

One singer who commands a detailed write up for almost every song she rendered is Shreya ghosal. The experience for us, which leaves behind her every song, is so vast, rich and everlasting that, any expression seems not enough. Trust me; the song i have heard most number of times, close to 150 times in last 25 days is Sunraha hai naa tu, from aashiqui 2. This is almost 75% of the music i heard in these many days. If i can tabulate my music listening habit, i think it’s always been shreya ghosal’s songs that have made me to be in deep touch with myself apart from A.R.Rehman’s songs. This song particularly has taken me to just marvellous bliss, joy and what not.

It is no doubt a team work. Ankit tiwari’s composition, Sandeep nath’s lyrics and of course the great shreya ghosal’s rendering. I really do not know, what she does to give her best always as the expression that comes in each of her songs, leaves an everlasting impression. Every letter, every word is given so much weight age that, it will seem like; these words cannot have any other expression, than what she gave to each of those lyrics. Words like Manzilein Ruswa hai, Itni si ilteja, isharon ko saharen de, adaayein, nigaahein.. OMG, its simply incredible. At least every time i heard this song of her version, it gave a healing impact and relaxed me.

I keep wondering as to how or why some songs have this out of the world quality of giving highest experiences. How some songs and music have this healing touch? It seems like beyond a human endeavour. I keep recollecting what Rehman said many years ago that, most of his compositions happen without his knowledge and he is just receptive to the supreme power and intervention. Hence, it’s all embedded in nature, ready to get into human for giving the divine experience. So people like rehman, shreya must be great, special souls. Otherwise it is not possible to have such deep experiences. For instance there is a male version of the same song, sun raha hai sung by the music director ankit tiwari himself. It is undoubtedly a marvellous song but nowhere near shreya ghosal version. Its a good feel song  but cannot give the experience that shreya’s version gives.

I want to believe that, ankit tiwari must have just given his version and asked shreya to improvise or adapt to female version and  left her. She must have just done wonders by being receptive to almighty. Or else, how can u explain the opening alaap, the small modulated raag after the opening lines. It is JUST PERFECT. That’s music and defies all arguments of classical, modern, western or any discussions on music. It is sheer divinity and person who renders has to be an angel.  It is just inimitable and i challenge anyone to sing the song like shreya ghosal. May be she cannot do it herself again.

Here are few examples that can never have any logical answers or explanation and they just happen as there is a divine intervention. But it happens thru people who have that receptivity to nature and suspend the self and ego.  None can substitute A.R.Rehman in this. Hence it is difficult to elicit few examples from his songs. Apart from Rehman’s many songs, several of LATA’s songs, Shreya ghosal’s songs, Dhoni’s 2 sixers against Sri Lanka in tri series recently, 1983 world cup. Yes not to forget many of Rafi’s songs, Kishore kumar songs, Yesudas, Ilayaraja and quite a few of them. 

These are few examples which indicate that, humans can only do wonders if they suspend themselves to the nature. How one achieves that, is their individual character and strength. Ask Dhoni, shreya, Lata, rehman and several other exponents in their own fields. 

Such stuff inspires me and calls for tremendous self restrain and surrender to nature by being a human.. just a normal simple human ...Listen to this in a head phone or in a car without doing anything else.. then if you do not agree, i will eager to know.

INTANGIBLE, INVISIBLE.. WEALTH AND PROPERTY

Everything in this world has some connection to every other thing that happens and we realize, understand some, but most of it we either fail to get the meaning or just ignore them. Most of us wonder as to why some people are subjected to some kind of experiences, be it good or bad. Why some people are constantly living in pain and misery despite not harming anyone.. On the contrary most people seem to have an apparently great life despite committing “errors, mistakes and blunders”. Its most often witnessed in people having wealth, power and fame.

The answer to such experiences is that, we expect the results to come in for all the efforts instantly or in some quick time. We do well and expect good to happen on the spur and we do bad and expect nothing to happen. This is the big contradiction which emanates from the fact that most of us feel that all the actions we do are justified and nothing is bad about it. Good and bad are used in this write up in the most general, child like accepted manner. All that, which harms the self or even one individual is bad and all those, which does not cause any harm to anyone is good in general terms. 

I could experience the contradiction of what can life can give, in the case of my parents and my sister who have undergone such tremendous pain, struggle that, it shattered their life no end and my father die the painful death. I always wondered what wrong have they done to deserve such excruciating agony in life? They have not harmed anyone in the wildest manner possible and at worse they were innocents not knowing the worldly wise tricks of the world.

All they did and are doing is the silent suffering without holding any blame on anyone. How much i learn from them is incredible. But more than that is the point of why someone should suffer when they have not done any fault? Isn’t it only right that they should reap as they sow? On the contrary, why should people who are visibly involved in crime, rape, deceit, and all forms of violence and tortures get away and have the decent life?  Is this all fair and mathematically right?

The answers to all these are very much enshrined in Karma philosophy and bhagwad gita .. The creator cannot be cruel, cannot be indifferent and surely can’t be unjustified and he has some design for all of us. His design is the reality of intangibility and invisibility.. of the wealth and property which transcends life after life.

 The return on investment is not meant for this life..It has got the recurrent account and is for several births. The cycle of investment is for the contractual births and deaths of which this body will not have any knowledge but is embedded in the soul which has got the memory of one million terra bytes or incalculably more. If the mind’s capacity is indeterminable, how can we try to gauge the power and capacity of the soul? Hence all our actions of all the births are stored in the soul and they come up as good and bad investments made in lives before the current life.

 Since we cannot understand the power of soul in quantifiable terms and since it is not even necessary to understand, the best we can do is to set our accounts right every minute and every day.. We are incapable of setting right the old accounts. But we can have a good balance sheet for this life and this will reduce the debts and liabilities of the past. Trust the gita and karma philosophy and this is the truth.

Only if we are short sighted, we plan for this life and crib on seeking for our actions.. But if we think of the soul and its journey, then all our actions have to be guided for ever permanent reality of doing only good. I know people, including grusha will offer a welcome and wonderful debate of what is good for you is not good for me and there is nothing universal about good and bad. Agreed hundred percent that, it’s all relative. But one request is do unto others what you expect others to do to you. Very simple, isn’t it ? this is good , that benefits the self and could benefit other souls too..

To cut it short, i feel its easy to follow the following and get maximum return on investments for ever,... and forget about the immediate benefits.  1) Think before uttering every word, and ensure it is in sync with that you think, say and do.. Then when u will actually mean it in all truthfulness, pause and ponder if that may hurt or cause any indirect harm to anyone or anything. 2) all actions should not cause any pain , hurt or  cause indirect loss or suffering to anyone .. 3) None of what is said and is done should harm the self... Better to postpone some actions and do it only if you inner voice says ok or else, in listening to someone, you would have damaged the fabric of life. One action has several chain repercussions .Hence every action and word from us has to be valued before its released.

Somewhere, the incident of uttarkand and deaths has made me think that we do not value human life in India. That is why, there is no detailing done on the possibility of what could go wrong? we are never prepared by eventuality . We think positive to avoid facing the problem and land up in most helpless situations. This happens 10 times a day in all situations for all of us.. We are over confident or negligent. This happens again because we only look for short term gain. I think all actions have be to be gauged for all defaults and mishaps in all means.

Long term gain will alone make us sensitive to intangible, invisible wealth and property and that is being good and doing well all the time. It is not easy but surely not impossible as all it needs is the courage to face the truth and understand life better in a more simple formula given by karma philosophy. Be a good banker and avoid feeling helpless.  Trust me, every silence before a thought uttered and every pause before an action in remembrance of god will help you avoid the wrong. I am trying and so request you to do ... can i ?